Wow. I am just out of control excited that you're here. If you're listening to me, you are at the right place at the right time, and you have pressed on the right link because I'm about to shift your personal paradigm. And as a result, provide you with some totally legit skills and reasons that will help you to do and to be happier.
First of all, just dropped a $1 million word your way: paradigm. Your paradigm is the way you look at something. It's like a set of lenses that help you to make sense of reality. And today, I'm about to give you a better and more sophisticated way of thinking about happiness. But as always, I'm getting ahead of myself.
First, let me give you a totally fascinating, brief history of psychology and how positive psychology even came to be. All you really need to know is that psychology has, for the longest time, focused on the problems and the dysfunction of humanity. How depressed we are, how anxious we are, our trauma, our hopelessness, loneliness, selfishness. You get the idea. Now, this is important because in a way, that focus has helped to relieve suffering. Kind of like when you break your arm, right? You go to the hospital to get your arm fixed.
Well, psychology has been focused on helping people recognize these challenges and then to help people feel less sad, less anxious, less insecure, etc. Positive psychology, on the other hand, is focused on the positive side of human nature. It's focused on how to think and live in an extraordinary way, because it's one thing to help someone feel less sad, and a whole other thing to help someone live deeply, and to suck out the marrow of life.
Think of it like the difference between going to the hospital to fix that broken arm and exercising to get you jacked. One is focused on fixing, the other one is focused on building. Positive psych is here to help you become more positive, optimistic, hopeful, confident, and mentally jacked. Know what I'm saying?
What are the paradigm-shifting ideas that I'm going to teach you? It's how to create a happiness advantage in your life. Perhaps you've been taught that if you work really hard, you'll be successful. And once you're successful, you'll be happy. In a way, people feel like happiness revolves around success, similar to how people at one point believed that the sun revolved around the Earth. Well, at least until Copernicus came along and pretty much blew everybody's minds with the truth that the Earth revolves around the sun and not the other way around.
In a way, the concept I'm teaching you right now is a Copernican revolution as well. What I'm telling you is that success in your life will most likely orbit around your happiness. Basically, when you're happier, more positive, more optimistic, more hopeful, more grateful, that incredible brain inside that lovely cranium of yours becomes more creative. It learns better. It retains information better. It's more flexible. It's more patient. It has a bigger perspective. It performs better in almost any setting, whether it be in your home, your friendships, at school, in your club, sports team, at work, etc.
I'm telling you, happiness makes things easier. But let me stop here for just a quick moment because some of you may be thinking, "Well, Iuri, this is nice for people who are naturally happy, but what about me?" Yo. You brilliant soul, listen to me very carefully. Your happiness or unhappiness isn't something that's set in stone. It's not who you are. Happiness isn't just about how you feel.
Arthur Brooks, a Harvard professor who's been studying happiness like it's his job (because it is) says something super important. He says happiness is not a constant dopamine party in your brain. It's not feeling happy all the time. It's also not just avoiding pain or always being on or achieving everything on your vision board by the age of 17.
So what is it then? He suggests that it's a combination of three things. And by the way, you're going to want to remember this.
One: enjoyment. Now, this just means that you intentionally spend your time doing things that feel good and that actually matter in your life. Think about it for a second. If you wanted to sprinkle your life with more things that bring you joy, happiness, excitement, adventure, friendship, etc., what would you do? Well, starting today, figure out what some of those things are and then begin to put those things into your life. It makes perfect sense, right?
Another one of those three factors is satisfaction. Satisfaction is that feeling that you get after you've worked for something, whether it's finishing a race or passing a test or playing a piano piece or passing a difficult level, learning something new. It's a feeling of achieving something you've worked hard for. Create opportunities in your life where you can feel more satisfaction.
And three: meaning. Knowing and believing that your life counts for something bigger than just you. Meaning and purpose, according to Arthur Brooks, are the hardest ones. But they matter because they become a kind of fuel that inspires you to do things, but also to keep going when things get hard.
My friend, connect yourself to big ideas or communities that elevate who you are, that pull you out of yourself and get you to contribute to meaningful and awesome things around you. I'm not here to tell you what those are. That's your job. I'm just suggesting that you need to do things that matter.
One more key thing that you need to understand about happiness is that it is a skill, like using Duolingo to learn a new language, or playing the guitar, or dribbling a basketball. You can actually practice being happier. In fact, when I was a young lad, I remember reading this book called The Way of the Peaceful Warrior, and there was a quote in there that said—and I've never forgotten it—it simply said that happiness is the ultimate discipline. The most important discipline or area of study in your life will be joy: how to grow it and how to share it.
Now listen, I could talk theory and psych all day long. I love it, but I also want to leave you with some of those key skills in specific areas that I want you to work on today, tomorrow, and pretty much for the rest of your life. Because what you need to know is this: what I'm telling you right now works. The data shows it, the studies show it, and people who have done it and are doing it will tell you it works. So let's get to it.
One: Relationships are worth their weight in gold. You ready for a little math? Listen to this. Positive relationships multiply your joy and divide your sorrows. Let that marinate inside your noggin for a second. My hard-rocking amigos, the number one predictor for long-term happiness is positive relationships. So if you've got them, bring the very best of yourself—your very best skills, your kindness, your forgiveness, and patience—to keep them healthy and awesome.
If you're struggling with your relationships, invest your time and efforts to repair the ones you choose to keep. And in addition, do all that you can to place yourself in the right places around the right people doing the right things. Bring that unique and brilliant aura of yours and leave people and situations better than when you found them. And trust the process.
One more quick thought: Remember that rejection just means redirection. See what I did there? It just means next. Stick with it. It's worth it. Promise.
Number two: A body in motion thinks and feels better than one that is stale and inactive. Know this: what you think you're good at or not good at is just not that important. Remember that your mind and body are the most sophisticated pieces of machinery in the universe and will learn to do anything you consistently invest in. I'm just delivering facts to you.
Walk, run, hike, ride a bike, go to the gym, join a team, climb, play a sport, do martial arts, jujitsu, do yoga, learn to dance, read, write, code. Once again, stop setting limits on yourself. Realize that your body and your brain are the ultimate instruments, and whatever you feed them, they will become. So be intelligent and feed them awesomeness.
I'll add one more quick thought to this concept. Remember that your smile is an act of courage, and that's a behavior that not only draws others to you but that helps your brain. So smile away and feel good about it.
Number three: Focus and scan your life and your environment for the good, the positive. Once again, I want you to view this as a skill. Instead of worshiping your worries and your struggles, your pessimism—what can go wrong, the tragedies that have befallen you, right? The people that don't get along with you. It's time for you to train your brain to scan for laughter, for opportunities, for kindness, for awesomeness, for opportunities to become wiser and to be more understanding of others, for new friends, for ways to do just a little bit better the next time.
A cool way to do this is by simply surrounding yourself with positivity. Whether it's on your nightstand or the walls of your room or your bathroom mirror, put up some images or quotes that move and inspire you. If you happen to have some social media, manage that feed. If you have trash coming to you every day, it's time to start disliking it and unfollowing stuff that puts you and others down.
Pay attention to me. Don't let other people feed you a steady diet of anger, hate, or other inappropriate content. Instead, find the very best and swim in cleaner waters.
If you're out there chasing a life with zero stress, all pleasure, and total control, man, we're chasing ghosts here. But if you start building relationships, filling your life with enjoyment and things that create a sense of satisfaction and achievement, if you change your lenses and start looking for the good around you, I guarantee that you will find it everywhere.
Remember, think bigger than you and start to be a giver in life, and as a result, you will get so much more back. Trust. Now get out there and start building a life that you can enjoy and feel proud of, piece by piece, like a Lego set for your soul.