My people. Man, it is good to be here. I'm proud that you're taking a moment out of your day, away from the things that maybe you would rather be doing. Whether you believe it or not, I believe you're in the right place at the right time, doing the best thing that you could be doing for the present you and absolutely for your future self.
I once heard a quote that said, “the gates of history swing on small hinges.” And my brave amigo, so does your life. In other words, the small, medium sized and large decisions that you are making now ultimately write your history. And be absolutely clear, you are the one writing that history.
What I'm hoping to do today is to just make a short presentation, something for you to consider. Then think about, what do you do? What do you believe in? What you choose to spend your time doing is your choice. It’s your job. My job is to take my ten of thousands of hours that I've spent talking with amazing young adults like you and to take their stories, their successes, their epic failures, their skills and adventure, and to pull from those some solid ideas that I believe will be a tremendous advantage for you in your life.
So I have been teaching people how to rock climb for 20 plus years. It's incredible. And when you find someone who is a master, their climbing is like a work of art. Their power, footwork, confidence, finesse and the skill level is incredible to watch. When I first introduce people to climbing, they're a mess. Their footwork is sloppy. They have no vision. They don't plan well. They don't balance well. They hold on to the rock with such a death grip that they wear out in a matter of minutes. They hold their breath instead of staying calm, relaxed and focused. And as a result, they make poor decisions that negatively impact the climbing. But now, listen, this is totally normal.
There is an awesome process to climbing, to learning to climb. Just like there's a process to everything else. People's mistakes or lack of experience don't bother me. Such as life, my job is to turn these amateurs into lean, mean climbing machines and to give them a brilliant skill that they can tap into for the rest of their lives. This is what I want to do with you. I want to take your sloppy decisions, your lack of perspective, your mistakes, your challenges, and convert them into wisdom and power that will work for you, that will create more opportunities and open doors for you instead of shutting them.
There's a quote by a famous cowboy/actor named John Wayne who said, “Life is hard. It's even harder when you're stupid.” Now hear me out. I'm not calling you stupid. This quote just makes me laugh, because I've certainly made many stupid decisions that I can confidently say I regret, and that caused me and the people that I cared about some real pain.
So let's learn to know a little bit better so that you and I can do a little bit better, like the amazing poet Maya Angelou said.
So today I want to share a few thoughts with two groups of people. First, if you're not in a gang, but maybe you're thinking about it or feeling pulled in that direction, I'd love to give you some things to think about. And second, if you're already in a gang, I just want to offer four ideas that might help you to see your situation in a new light. No pressure, just an invitation to reflect and maybe consider a different path.
Let's give it a start. Number one, why do people join gangs? I had a friend who used to always say to me, everything we do, we do on purpose. Do you think that's true? In other words, whether we realize it or not, we have a reason for why we do the things we do.
You look at the stories of gang members or ex gang members, there are three reasons that they give for why they joined. A. They want to belong to something bigger than they are. They want to feel safe. They want to have protection. They want to get respect. They want to feel the camaraderie of a group and at times for money. Right?
B. Current and ex gang members say that gangs often fill a need when there's pain, trauma or instability at home, in life, in school, or in the neighborhood where they live.
And C. They and others join because it's all that they've seen. Their parents, friends, cousins, etc. are a part of it.
I'm telling you this because I want you to realize that there's a reason behind what they did and behind what you're doing, even if those decisions create a constellation of problems, suffering, and many times a loss of freedom. Sometimes being part of a gang, they even feel like the only option to survive.
My hope is that I can gently convince you to think a little bigger. I want to help you to thrive instead of just survive in this life. In part because survival is filled with fear, and thriving is where long term happiness, pride, freedom, friendships, and respect live. And I think if you're honest with yourself, you realize that that makes perfect sense.
Anyways, just an idea for you to kick around.
Number two, can we talk about the real cost of gang life? Can I tell you a quick story? This is the story of a man who fell into a hole, and he fought and he struggled and was able to get out of that hole. Later, that man was walking on the same street, and fell into that hole again. And once again he jumped and climbed and scrapped and found his way out and was happy. Later yet, he walked down that same street, fell into that same hole and cried and battled, asked for help and found a way out. The man was grateful and happy. The next day he walked down the same street, saw the hole, walked around the hole and went on his way happier and wiser.
Can I help you to avoid this gaping hole in front of you? Or if you’re in it, can I help you to get out and walk around it? Here's what I need you to know. Young adults like you that join gangs are 60% more likely to drop out of school. Nearly half of all gang members will go to jail by their mid-twenties, and they also have a higher likelihood of dying young.
Look, I am not telling you this to scare you. I know better than that. I'm just trying to pull back the curtain so that you can clearly see what's back there. Please think it over before you jump in. Something else for you to consider is that gang members and ex gang members report that once they are in a gang, they immediately experience a loss of freedom, feeling like they're always watching their back and stuck in a cycle that they didn't build.
They also report a ton of conflict with parents, siblings, and other loved ones. Ex gang members also consistently tell real stories about gangs using them to do their dirty work and then throwing them away when they no longer need them. Most people believe that they're in control and that they know exactly what they're doing, but that's not what current and ex gang members say.
Now, you may be thinking to yourself, “yeah, but that's not my situation,” or “I'm different” or “that wouldn't happen to me.” But there's a reason why so many ex gang members become mentors and look for ways to help young people like you. To see the crap, to see the hole that they're falling into so that you can avoid the path that they took.
Remember, the key here is to use your intelligence to make the very best decision that will improve your life.
Okay. Number three, instead of joining, what can you do instead? Now that we understand why awesome people like you might join a gang, we can come up with some solutions.
One. Find your crew. You know, I'm a huge fan of getting involved where you are. Let me show you what you can do. Find the clubs, bands, teams and other groups in your school and get involved. Don't tell yourself a story that you don't belong, or that those people are psycho, or that you're different and no one gets you. Just dive in and trust the process. In your city, find work, programs, churches and events that help you to find and connect to awesome people that you can actually respect, and not just fear. Start there.
Just add another element to your life. Don't just build your gang associations or your gang life. Build other areas of your life like your family, school activities, work, etc. because you're going to need them.
Okay. Number two, talk to your parents, siblings, principals, counselors, teachers, coaches, someone that you trust and respect. These are the kind of people that will not give up on you.
Tell them about what you're dealing with and see what they have to say. Sometimes it's helpful to hear somebody else's perspective. They might help you avoid falling into that hole over and over and over again because they can help you. Or perhaps they can even help you to brainstorm or how to climb out of it. If you're in it, consider this the sign you've been waiting for to get out.
The truth is, I don't know you. I don't know your story. Maybe you've seen or survived. Maybe you've been jumped or initiated. Maybe home doesn't feel like home. Maybe school or your neighborhood feels dangerous and unsafe. Maybe nobody's ever looked at you and said, dude, you are more than this. There are better options. But hear me now. You do matter way more than you think. And even if you've made mistakes, even big ones, you're not finished. You're not stuck. You're not broken.
There's a lot of story to write, and you don't have to wear anybody else's brand or label.
You may be able to get out of this hole on your own, and I respect your courage. But you may also need a little help to get out of this trap. You might feel like you've gone too far, like you're stuck between a rock and a hard place. The situation may feel like there's no good solution for you, but that is not true. It can't be true. If you stay, you're going to dig a deeper hole and literally stab yourself in the foot. Come on. See the trap? Let's see the hole. Let's walk around it and do something that the people who love and care for you would be proud of. Okay, the reality is you're probably thinking, who is this clown? Who is this joker and what does he know?
And honestly, you're right. I can't argue with you. I don't know what you know. All that I want to do is call upon your highest intelligence, your best thinking, and challenge you to let the best of you lead the rest of you. You don't have to make a 100 degree turn right now. Start small, man. Trust someone and open up to them. Find someone in your home, at your school, at your church, a family member and talk to them. Instead of making a complete change, maybe just start investing in other activities with other people doing different things.
Don't worry if they act or think or do differently than you. Just invest your time and energy and start growing another part of your life. Start where you are. Use what you have. Go. Honestly, thank you for sticking around and thinking this through with me. I'm cheering for you my friend. Best of luck.