How can I feel more confident around people?

How can I feel more confident around people?

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It’s okay to be nervous

Feeling nervous around people is completely normal. That presentation, asking someone to hang out, or even just giving a compliment can send anyone’s heart racing. The immediate urge is to grab your phone and disappear. But here’s the truth: investing in social confidence is one of the smartest moves anyone can make. Strong relationships are a huge predictor of long-term happiness and success. Wanting to feel more comfortable around others is essential!

First, it helps to understand why social situations feel so intimidating.

Fear of rejection

This is the big one. The idea of not being chosen, looking foolish, or not being liked is powerful. It feels easier to hold back than to risk that sting. But what if it was possible to become less afraid of rejection? What if that fear didn't have to call the shots?

The past holds too much power

The past has a great hold on the present. If past attempts at being social led to embarrassment or rejection, the brain naturally assumes it will happen again. In psychology, this is called generalization, which is using the past to predict the future. This is a thinking error, though. The past does not dictate the future, present choices do.

Assuming constant, negative judgment

Do you ever feel like everyone is watching your every move and judging you negatively? While that perception isn't necessarily true, our brains are wired to make judgments. They constantly take in information and assess it. The goal, then, isn’t necessarily to stop judging, but to learn to judge more accurately and with compassion. If someone is judging you, that’s ultimately their business. The real work is to step out of their business and mind your own. Stop trying to read minds. Focus on being kind and doing worthwhile things instead of worrying about unspoken opinions.

Step into the light

Fear bullies people into hiding. It says to avoid the activity, not raise your hand, not smile, not try. Today can be the day to start taking that power back.  Begin migrating from the shadows toward courage. Fear doesn’t get to drive the car anymore. Feelings of rejection are normal. Not everyone will like or choose you, and that’s okay.  The key is developing the emotional muscle to experience hard emotions and stay in the ring. Failure or rejection is not fatal. It’s a teacher.

A simple, actionable plan

Start incredibly small. In the school hallway, lift your gaze from the ground or your phone. Say hi. Open a door. In the class where you feel most comfortable, challenge yourself to raise your hand once a week. 

Choose three specific, manageable actions to start this week. Write them down. Do them for a week, then a month. The goal is consistent, tiny victories. 

Adopt a new philosophy

Let these experiences refine you, not define you. Treat social growth as an experiment, and become a scientist of your own life. Approach situations with a beginner’s mindset, ready to learn and adapt.  Every interaction, whether awkward or amazing, is data. It’s preparation for the next one. No more saying “people aren’t my thing” or “I can’t handle rejection.” You’ll be shocked when you learn how resilient you are.

Don’t deny growth

It isn’t realistic to deny challenges. That’s why you should absolutely refuse to deny the ability to overcome them. Find joy and build relationships even through the awkward moments. Building social confidence is a process, not a one-time event. It requires consistent effort and a commitment to small, daily actions over seeking a single, grand transformation.  Progress is built in hallway greetings,  raised hands, and the decision to look up and connect. Focus on showing up consistently, celebrate the victories, and give yourself grace for the failures.

Start by consciously stepping into the light with one small, brave action. Follow this by making a simple, written plan with achievable goals.  These actions create momentum, turning intention into tangible experience and building evidence of personal capability.

The most powerful tool is a shift in mindset. Adopt the perspective of a scientist: curious, observant, and resilient. Let every social interaction, especially the awkward ones, serve as valuable data that refines future approaches. This combination of gradual action, simple planning, and a learning-focused mindset is how real, lasting confidence is built.

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