Can I train my brain to stop swearing?
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Your future self will thank you
The ability to convey your thoughts clearly and thoughtfully is one of the most important skills you’ll learn. Poor communication is cited in many studies as a common factor contributing to divorce, so it stands to reason that these skills can make or break your current and future relationships.
Whether you’re here because of a school consequence or because you genuinely want to learn some positive psychology concepts, it doesn’t matter. What matters is that you finish reading this article with one simple idea etched into your mind: “Your words create worlds.”
Think about that for a moment. The words you use shape your circumstances and have a great effect on how you see others and how others see you. Today you will learn a few techniques to train your brain and body so that the words you speak will be an advantage in your life. Don’t learn these things because an adult told you to; do it because you want to make your life better.
When speaking about profanity and inappropriate language, we are referring to swear words and harsh language that is sexual or violent. It also includes speech that is disrespectful, demeaning, racist, or offensive. This type of language might be common, and you may feel that it’s all in good fun and that you’re just playing around.
One of the most important aspects of human existence is making mistakes and learning from them. Everybody has said things they regret, and everybody has the ability to refine their communication. This is done by small steps compounding over time, so don’t expect to change your vocabulary completely overnight.
This is just how I talk
You’re not powerless; you’re powerful. Statements like, “this is who I am, I can’t change it,” are fixed mindset thoughts sneaking in. Understand that you are capable of growth and that you are not trapped in a permanent, static existence. Your brain and body are capable of anything that you consistently train them to do.
Everybody talks like this
Remember the number one reason for divorce that was touched on in the first paragraph? In case you forgot, it’s poor communication. Using inappropriate language doesn’t make you a bad person, but your language has a direct influence on your circumstances. Your communication skills can help you or they can make your situation worse.
Using innapropriate or demeaning language might make those around you uncomfortable. Words have the power to change how you view yourself and the world around you. So use that power in a wise way and set yourself up for success by creating advantages in your life.
Time and place
Of course, the ideal scenario is that you choose to level up your language skills across the board. But it’s probably safe to assume that you speak differently around your parents and teachers than you do around your friends.
For now, start by focusing on using thoughtful and understanding language when having critical conversations with your parents, siblings, teachers, or school administrators. When you choose profanity, especially in conflicts, it can be like throwing an emotional grenade at the other person. It could provoke anger, defensiveness, and resistance. Be wise enough to recognize the times and places where you will need to lead with the best of you.
Words create worlds
Your words can either invite respect or provoke disrespect. They can invite kindness or provoke rudeness. Wouldn’t you rather invite peace instead of provoking war or judgment?
Have you heard of the law of the harvest? If not, maybe this simple phrase will sound familiar: “you reap what you sow.” To sow is to plant a seed, and to reap is to harvest a crop.
How does this relate to language? If you plant seeds of disrespect, rudeness, and insults, that’s exactly what you’re going to harvest. Use your language to create a world that’s friendly, fun, understanding, and respectful. When you do, you’ll get more of that goodness back. Build Atomic Habits In the book Atomic Habits by James Clear, the author breaks down a powerful way to set goals so that you can make new habits or break old ones. Make the new habit obvious, attractive, easy, and satisfying.
Make it obvious
Leave yourself little reminders, like a sticky note on the mirror or a wallpaper on your phone. Repeat it to yourself mentally when you see the reminder. Here are some ideas: “I speak like the person I want to become,” “My words create worlds,” or “I am powerful, and the words I say have impact.”
Make it attractive
It’s in our DNA to search for connection, friendship, and somewhere to belong. When your language lifts others up, you are more likely to make strong connections.
Make it easy
Pick a few different settings, like at school or with your family, and focus on using better words there first. Once you get momentum going, add more to your goals and see how far you rise from your starting point!
Make it satisfying
When you catch yourself using positive, smart, or respectful language, give yourself a little hug! Tell yourself, “Man, that’s what I’m talking about!” Celebrate your wins, and you’ll notice that you’re chasing the achievement.
Choose to elevate your communication because you want to, not because you got caught. Own it! Improve yourself and your actions because it's intelligent. You can absolutely become somebody who treats people with respect, somebody who builds bridges instead of blowing them up. Start with small and consistent changes, and the new habit will take root. Even when you make a mistake, you can repair it and try again.
You’re not stuck with the words you’ve been using. You’re not stuck in the habits you’ve been practicing. You are meant to evolve! Practice, experiment, stay humble, and be patient with yourself. You’re learning to use one of the most important tools in the world: your voice!
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