How can I deal with anxiety better?

How can I deal with anxiety better?

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Let’s talk about anxiety

If you’re reading this, you’re already doing something smart. You’re investing in your mindset, and that’s a powerful first step. Take a quick second to acknowledge that. The question “How do I deal with anxiety better?” is a seriously excellent one to ask.

First, a quick clarification. While people often lump them together, stress and anxiety aren’t the same thing. Stress usually comes from external pressures like deadlines, relationships, or feeling overwhelmed. Anxiety is more internal. External events can trigger it, but its roots often dig into our biology and psychology. Understanding that difference is key, because the strategies that help manage anxiety can also work on stress.

Stuck in first gear

Anxious brains are genius brains! They’re sharp, detail oriented, and a bit obsessive. “Obsessive” here means they have a tendency to get stuck. Imagine the automatic shifter in your brain glitches sometimes, leaving you stuck in first gear. The engine is revving hard, but you’re not going anywhere efficiently. That’s what happens when anxiety takes over. Your brain gets stuck obsessing and anticipating.

Have you ever had an especially vivid dream that you’re falling, only to wake up because your body physically reacted? Even though you weren’t awake and you were tucked away safely in bed, your brain and body went into a coordinated panic as if you were actually in danger. Anxiety is essentially a disorder of anticipation. The brain projects itself into a future scenario so powerfully that the body starts to react as if it’s happening now. 

Anxiety feels unpleasant, sometimes even painful. Naturally, the instinct is to avoid anything that triggers those feelings. The problem is, over time, this avoidance can shrink your world. Anxiety can start to dictate your choices, putting your freedom to live the life you want at risk. It’s time for you to get in the driver’s seat, pursuing what’s fun, meaningful, and important to you.

You are not your thoughts

Here’s a fundamental truth that changes everything: You are not your thoughts, and you are not your feelings. Just because your brain thinks or feels something doesn’t make it a fact. It’s just a thought, a feeling. They come and go. This leads to a crucial tool: learning to sort your thoughts. Which ones deserve your attention and action, and which ones are just “anxiety speak”?

Listen to thoughts that are helpful, motivating, inspiring, optimistic, hopeful, focused on solving problems, or empowering. These are worth your energy. When you notice thoughts that are harsh, hopeless, paralyzing, pessimistic, powerless, or demeaning, let them pass by.  These are not helpful.

In psychology, there’s a saying: “If you can name it, you can tame it.” The moment you identify what’s happening, you regain power over it. This is how you manually shift your brain out of first gear.

When you encounter that second category of unhelpful thoughts, simply tell yourself:

“My brain and body are experiencing anxiety right now.”

“This is an overreaction to a normal situation.”

“This isn’t me, this is my anxiety.”

This simple act creates distance between you and the feeling, breaking its immediate spell.

Ask a better question

Anxiety loves to ask terrible, catastrophic “what if” questions that lead nowhere but down. Feelings follow focus. So, change the question.

Stop asking: “What if everything goes wrong?”

Start asking: “What’s one helpful thing I can do right now?” or “What’s a small step I can take to solve this problem?” Ask better questions, and your brain will work to find better, more empowering answers.

Take action, any action

This is where you force the shift into a higher gear. Anxious brains get paralyzed. Break the cycle by doing anything that is valuable, active, smart, fun, or meaningful. It doesn’t have to be the perfect thing. 

Text a friend, organize your desk, go for a five minute walk, or start your homework’s first problem. Action is the direct path out of the brain rut. It builds evidence that you are in control, not the anxiety.

Devalue unhelpful thoughts

Begin to see your thoughts and feelings as a relationship you manage, not as your absolute truth. Check in with them. If a thought aligns with your goals and empowers you, use it. If it doesn’t, recognize it as unimportant; just “stinking thinking.” See it for what it often is: old fears, old anxiety, old patterns that don’t get to run your life anymore. Gently dismiss it and return your focus to your actions and ask better questions. 

These skills are powerful tools for both short term relief and long term change. Be patient and gentle with yourself while practicing them. Frustration with the process, like thinking “Why do I still feel this way?”, only adds more unhelpful noise. Treat yourself with the same kindness you’d offer a friend.

These strategies are incredibly effective for managing everyday anxiety. However, if you’re dealing with deeper trauma or feel persistently overwhelmed, that’s a sign to seek additional support. There is absolutely no shame in connecting with a counselor or therapist. It’s a smart, strong move to get expert help tailored to your specific needs.

You have the ability to reclaim your driver’s seat. Start by naming it. Ask a better question. Take a small action. Change the relationship. Your genius brain is capable of so much more than worry. You’ve already taken the first smart step by reading this. Now, it’s time to show it.

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