How do I treat people who look, think, and believe differently than I do?

My incredible friends, I’m just absolutely honored to be here with you today, and more, to be talking about something that will have a tremendous impact in your life and in the life of others around you.  Make no mistake my friend… you are a ball of fire, impacting and influencing every room, every circumstance you find yourself in.  My friends, everyday you are faced with a challenge… a challenge for you to decide what you’re gonna bring to your life.  What kind of person will you choose to be?  A challenge for you to decide where you will aim your energy, your focus, your efforts?  The challenge for you to decide how you will act, and how you will respond to the awesome and the tragic things in your life?  

Viktor Frankl, who lost his family in the concentration camps of World War II, and who himself barely survived, said, “Everything can be taken from a man or woman but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way.”

Listen, this isn’t just wishful thinking, or a nice meme that you can post somewhere… this is your birthright… this is what you were born to do!  You were born to choose, and better yet, to choose wisely.  To use your highest intelligence, and to choose ways of doing, thinking and behaving that elevate your life, the life of others, and the circumstances around you.  

But I have to be honest with you and you can be honest with yourself as well, sometimes our choices aren’t great right?... and please don’t be offended, because I’ve made my share of ignorant, unkind, disrespectful, and insensitive choices.  My hope today is that you will learn from me.  It’s that you will learn from the history of the world… from the incredible choices that others have sacrificed and died for, and the poor choices that have lead to hatred, conflict, ridicule, and division.  It’s that you will recognize the possibility that some of these unwise things may be happening in your life right now, and as a result, let’s upgrade your Internal Operating System… in other words, your mind and your actions.  Let’s be very clear… this is your life, these are your decisions, and the only thing that I want to do, is make a presentation to you, that you can either take, or ball it up, and chuck it in the trash… your call!  

I’ve got a question for you… have you ever seen that video where you have two groups of people.  Some wearing white shirts, and some wearing black shirts.  Both groups are bouncing basketballs, and passing the ball back and forth to one another.  Your job, as you are watching the video, is to count the amount of times the players with white shirts pass the ball to each other.  The players in the black shirts are also dribbling around, and passing to one another, but you’re only supposed to count the passes that the players in the white shirts make.  As the video goes on, and you’re busy counting, this Gorilla (well, a person wearing a gorilla suit), walks into the middle of this game, stops, stares at the camera and walks off.  This is a selective attention test… and honestly it’s the kind of test that psychologists and social scientists create, to make us look like total idiots!  But look, the point is, that while people are busy and focused on counting, they completely miss the fact that a gorilla has just walked across the screen!  Why does this matter?  What’s the connection here?  Well… it’s this… sometimes we are blind to the obvious, and blind to our blindness (head explodes)... I know, right?  We sometimes have a difficult time seeing our own mistakes, and seeing how our words and actions are impacting others and the circumstances around us.  While we’re passing the ball back and forth to our teammates, we are simply missing the obvious gorilla that is walking through the middle of us.

Can I introduce a word to you real quick?  The word is discrimination… say it with me… discr… just kidding you don’t have to say it.

Discrimination is when someone is treated unjustly or unfairly just because of who they are or what they look like. It can be based on things like their skin color, gender, religion, or even where they come from.

Let me teach you one more word… Prejudice.  Prejudice refers to negative ideas or attitudes that you and I may have toward a group of people.  

So if prejudice are ideas and attitudes, discrimination is harmful actions taken against a group of people because of their social identity, such as race, culture, age, religion, or gender.

My hard rockin’ amigos, as I’ve met with students from all over this country, I’ve noticed that many of you have talked about being bullied, disrespected, mistreated, and ridiculed by others.  Many of you have shared that others around you use offensive and disrespectful language about your culture, your skin color, your gender, who you like, your beliefs, and your life circumstances.   I’ve heard that some of you draw or wear signs or clothes that insult someone else’s heritage, color, or beliefs.  My friend, if you are one of these people, I’m not here to condemn you… I’m here to invite you to think and do things a bit differently.  I’m here to invite you to live the kind of life that opens the doors of opportunity for you… that gives you every possible advantage at school, at home, and in your social world, instead making the kinds of decisions that close doors for you, that create obstacles in your way, and that harm others around you.  If you’ve been involved in doing some of these things, can I take a quick guess as to why you’ve done some of these things?

1. You don’t think it’s a big deal.  While you’re doing your thing, telling jokes, hangin’ with your friends, saying things about other people that may be rude, offensive, or discriminatory, or racist, you don’t think it’s a big deal, or that anyone is getting hurt.  You think people and adults are making a big deal of this. You may even think it’s kinda funny.

2. The people around you are doing it.  You see it in videos, movies… you hear it in music, on social media… your brother, sister, and friends are talking this way, you hear this kind of talk in the hallways of your school, or in your home, community, or wherever, and you feel, “hey, this is just what people do, we just tease and banter back and forth with other people.  It’s all in good fun.”  Or maybe you’re at a game, or out with your buddies, and they’re talking and acting this way, and you just get rolled into it.

3. You may want to be a little edgy.  You don’t want to be this vanilla guy or gal, you want to add a little edginess to the things you say and do, and as a result you push the boundaries a bit.  You kinda know that this is probably going a little far, or is somewhat inappropriate, but it’s not that bad.  

What do you think?  Does that sound somewhat familiar to you?  What I have found is that many of us are thinking in negative ways, and acting in harmful ways ignorantly… and I really mean ignorantly… meaning, we just don’t fully realize the impact of what we’re doing.  Similar to that gorilla walking across the screen.  You know… you’re just dribbling the ball around, passing the ball back and forth to your team… to your people… you’re just doing your thing, living your life, not really intentionally trying to hurt others, and yet… that obvious gorilla is walking across the screen… that obvious gorilla being the fact that this is harmful, hurtful, inappropriate, divisive, and at times cruel behavior.  

In 1865 as America was nearing the end of the Civil War… a  conflict that killed approximately 850,000 people, Abraham Lincoln said these words: "With malice toward none, with charity for all… let us strive on to finish the work we are in, to bind up the nation’s wounds,... (and) to do all which may achieve and cherish a just and lasting peace among ourselves and with all nations."

At the end of that deadly conflict Lincoln was urging the country to move forward and upward, without hatred or a desire for revenge, and instead to act with kindness and compassion. 

Look I don’t know what your life has been like.  I don’t know what you’ve seen, what you’ve gone through.  I don’t know the thoughts in your mind, or the feelings in your heart, but I believe deeply in you.  I believe in your intelligence.  I believe that if you’re presented with a reasonable idea, that you can respond in a positive way, instead of getting all defensive.  Maya Angelou wisely said, “when you know better, you do better,” and my friend, by the time you and I finish this video, you will know better, and as a result, I hope you will choose better.  Can I offer you a few suggestions?

1. Live by the golden rule, not the bronze rule.  The bronze rule is “I treat people how they treat me.”  The golden rule is “I treat people how I want to be treated.”  The Reverend Martin Luther King said “Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.”  Decide today to let the best of you, drive the rest of you in your social settings.

2. Leave a person better than when they found you.  Sometimes our actions hurt others.  We can make life hard for people.  The way we treat them.  The way we look at them.  The way we speak to them.  The way we speak about them to other people.  Have you ever thought about why you do that?  Can I challenge you to stop doing that?  Can I challenge you instead to become more loyal and more friendly to people?  When you see people, greet them, wave at them, high five them… man I tell you, nothing beats a nice crisp high five, smile at them… give them the ol’ head nod… you know what I’m talking about.  Just do a little, maybe 1% better, and start there.  By the way, as you do this, you will find that your own life and circumstances will become more positive as well… kinda like magic!  

3. Don’t leap with the sheep.  Decide today that if you ever find yourself in a situation where someone is being treated disrespectfully, or in an offensive or degrading way, that you will do one of these 3 things:

1. Don’t join or contribute to what is going on.  Man, don’t add to the negative in this world.

2. Walk away.  Separate yourself from whatever is going on.  I know this is tough, but you can find a reason to walk away from any situation, anytime… do it!  

3. Say and do something.  This is by far the most challenging one, but if you’ve got the guts, you can say something like:

1. “Uh, uh, this aint gonna happen fellas” yeah, yeah, yeah I know “don’t say aint, or your mother will faint, and your father will die, and I will call the FBI…” i was just trying to speak like you guys a little, and I know I’m failing miserably.  You can also warn your friends

2. “Yo, we’re going to get in huge trouble if we keep doing this, or talking this way.  I’m not going to do it.”  And a last one, 

3. “Man, I don’t want to be a part of this, you’re on your own.”  I know these are gutsy things to do, but Martin Luther King said, “The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.” so stand… be cool… be confident… and be wise.

4. See the Gorilla!  My friends, the reality is this… This is an important deal!  Your school will most likely come down hard on you if you are doing or making any statements that are discriminatory, racist, or derogatory against anyone or any group of people.  If you know of any names, or derogatory terms that are used to put people, or races, or groups of people down, I will invite you right now, to erase those from your mental dictionary, and to make a commitment to yourself to never use them again… you honestly don’t need them, whether it’s in a joke, a song, in conversation, with your friends… just give’em the ol’ boot.  Life is hard enough my friends, don’t make yours and others harder.  See the obvious Gorilla, and make the kind of choice that is smart for you and others.

Was that a little intense?  I didn’t mean it to be, honestly.  I don’t need you to change anything about your past.  It’s done!  All I’m suggesting is that you move forward and upward today, without malice, and with charity toward everyone!  With a new understanding, and a commitment to leave anything that is harmful to you and others behind you.  What say you?  Does this feel like a reasonable ask?  Think it over.  I trust you, and I’m cheering you on.  See you soon.

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