How can I get some respect?

My awesome and impressive hard rockin' amigos, man I wish that I could be right there where you are! There's nothing more fun and full of life than adolescents like you. I love your idealism, your hype, your hopes and dreams. Thank you for tuning in and hearing me out.

Thank you for your question about "How To Get Respect?" and to that I'll also add 'how to give respect', which I think you'll see is directly connected to you getting it, by the way, this actually reminds of another question you asked before about the 'difference between fear and respect.' Can I tell you a short story that will help you to see the difference? Here you go...

"Many years ago, there lived a very cruel king. All the people in his kingdom were fearful because of his cruelty. The King had a happy and friendly dog named Jack, which he loved more than anything. One fateful morning, Jack died. The King organized a burial service for the dog, and the entire city came to the funeral. The King was happy to see all the people who came, and believed that he was the most popular King in the world.

A Few weeks passed, and the King died, but No one came to his funeral."

"Wow... that was a real downer of a story iuri!" I know, I know, but look there is a harsh but valuable truth here, which is that in the end, if you and I build our relationships based on respect, instead of fear, we will add real value to our life, and to the life of others, whereas if you build your life based on rudeness, creating fear, manipulation, and punishment, you'll end up harming the very people and the relationships that can bring you incredible joy, success, and freedom.

My friend, learn here and now... learn today, to not be as this king was and treat yourself, your life, and the people around you in a respectful way.

So here's the difference between fear and respect by the way. When you hold someone in high regard... When you admire them, or are inspired by that person's actions and accomplishments, you respect them. When you follow someone because you are fearful of a negative consequence, or physical harm, or being berated or belittled or made fun by that person, then you are being motivated by fear. Do everything in your power to live your life in the kind of way where you inspire and build respect...

Please trust me, and build your life upon solid principles that can withstand challenges, instead of upon a sandy foundation that will crumble, like that old and cruel King.

So here are some tips and ideas that will help you to give and gain respect:

1. If you want it, give it! This is where you begin. You are where the power is. It begins with you! By giving people respect, kindness, consideration, forgiveness, compassion, understanding, you inspire that in other people. Please remember this in all of your relationships, including your parents, siblings, teachers, classmates, coaches... give them respect, give them friendship and love, and watch their willingness to give those behaviors back to you increase. Now listen for a second. Life is not fair... you know this, I know this, and sometimes your best efforts will not be reciprocated or mirrored by others. When this happens, don't be discouraged, or angry, instead press on, keep the faith my friends, and move confidently forward, knowing that your heart and hands are clean. Life's tough, but I want you to be tougher and wiser, so if you want it... learn to give it without expectation, and you'll be happier and less bitter.
2. Leave people and circumstances better than you found them. My brilliant and powerful pals listen to me very closely. Your behavior, attitude, and demeanor has the ability to impact any circumstance you walk into. So whether it's with your team, or choir, or friend group, on the bus, or at home, or in your classroom, stop being the disrespectful one, that is all about themselves, and instead be a positive contributor to the people and places where you are. Be generous with your compliments, and stingy with your criticism. Don't dig a pit for yourself! Can you imagine digging a pit, and falling into that pit repeatedly? Don't do this! But the reality is that we're all going to do some of that, aren't we? So when we do, man, let's learn that lesson, fill that pit, and move forward. Be wise, be intelligent, and make your life and the life of others easier for heaven's sake.
3. Walk the talk. Man is this not true? Don't you respect people who do what they say? Who have integrity and try to not be hypocritical? Who follow through? Don't you think it's admirable for you to "be the change you wish to see in the world" or in other people? I'm reminded of this short story about Gandhi where "One day a mother approached Gandhi and said to him: "Please tell my son to stop eating sugar." Gandhi listened, and responded back with, "Bring him back in two weeks." The mother left annoyed, but did as Gandhi suggested, and brought back her son two weeks later. Gandhi then said to the boy, "Boy, stop eating sugar!" The mother looked confused and asked Gandhi, "Why didn't you tell him that 2 weeks ago?" to which Gandhi replied "Two weeks ago, I was eating sugar." So if you want to gain respect from others, do what you say you'll do, and do your best to avoid hypocrisy, capiche?
4. Beware of the ME monster! I've said it before, and I'll say it again, no other virtue is more attractive and invites more respect than humility. Be quick to give credit and find good things about others, and slow to prop yourself up. When you're with people, make it about them. Compliment them, ask them questions about their life, their interests, help them, bring value to their life, and watch their respect for you go up. Stay away from bragging, showing off, arrogance, or any other language where you are presenting yourself to be superior or better. I know a lot of you love trash talking, bantering with friends, or being sarcastic with friends, honestly, I love to this as well with the right people, so read the room, and do it when it's appropriate.
5. Keep your cool! Have you ever seen athletes or parents lose control at a sporting event? Have you ever seen people exhibit road rage, or act in totally unreasonable ways? I think this is one of the quickest ways to lose respect for someone that I know. Here's the deal, you and I have to learn to manage our thoughts and feelings. Your friendships and relationships will often require the very best of you, and that requires some self-control. Whether you're performing in band, choir, orchestra, in a play, or a soccer pitch, or a tennis court, or a baseball diamond, your job is to find a way to ensure that your emotions, your skill, your intelligence, and your efforts work together to enhance your success. Look, I know you're going to lose it sometimes. I know that you may become emotionally flooded, and make choices that harm you and those around you, but I just want you to be aware that the expectation for you, is to learn some self-mastery, some self-control, so that you can lead with the best of you, instead of with the worst of you. Ponder this short quote: "Emotions are honest, and when they're married to reason and compassion, they lead to wisdom." So if you're looking to be respected in the long run, keep your wits about you, and manage your responses a little better. Little by little, right? Line upon line...
6. Be part of the solution, not the problem! Yo, listen up, I've been there. I've been part of the problem. I've been caught up in complaining. In only seeing the negative, and the things that are going wrong. I've been the critic with no solutions. I've been the winer. I know this place well, and honestly, it is not a place that inspires respect, and it is not a place that motivates hope and optimism. My friend, if you want to be respected in this life, stop blaming others, stop painting yourself as a victim, and stop complaining. Instead, be brave enough to search for solutions and to find options that work. Be courageous enough to take action and improve your life, and perhaps most importantly, feed your hope and optimism, with the knowledge that you can improve any circumstance, even if just by a few levels... keep the faith and feed that hope of yours.
7. Win and lose with honor. Whether you're competing, or performing, or taking a test, set your own personal and mental expectation, to do so in an honorable way. You can do this by congratulating others who were involved, by cheering up those who lost or struggled, and by having a personal and powerful psychology that helps you to see every event, result, and circumstance, as part of a greater and more important process... the process of making you a better, wiser, stronger, and more complete person. My hope is that you'll begin today, and be that person in your family, in your school, or wherever you find yourself.
8. Admit when you're wrong. Do you want to lose respect with your friends, co-workers, coaches, and teachers? Blame everyone else for your problems, and refuse to admit that you're wrong. Yup... that'll do it. I'm not suggesting that you have to own something that you didn't do, what I'm suggesting is for you to lead with honesty, and own your part. When I see someone step up to the plate in a courageous way, my respect for that person immediately goes up. I understand that we're afraid of consequences, or getting caught, or getting in trouble, but man, build up your character, and become a person of integrity, and you'll gain the respect of other teens and adults around you.
9. Be quick to forgive. One of the most well known and beloved characters in all of literature is a character by the name of Jean Valjean. He is the main player in the book Les Miserables by Victor Hugo. Why is he so respected and admired? It is because of his ability to show compassion toward others, and his willingness to forgive others for their mistakes and errors. It is my humble suggestion for you, that in your life and relationships, if you will seek to be quick to forgive others, and to repair situations and relationships that have become strained and damaged, that you will be much happier, and free of conflict and bitterness. Remember that forgiveness is a blessing to the giver and the receiver alike, so make your life and the world around a better place by nurturing a spirit of compassion inside of you. You'll thank me later...
10. Lead with effort. Who do you respect? When I asked a group of teens who they respected the most, the majority of responses were made up of artists, actors, and athletes. When I asked them why they respected them so much, I noticed that it was less about the level of success that any of them had achieved, and more about the amount of time, effort, and sacrifice that each had given to their particular skill. With that in mind my friends, if you want to gain the respect of your friends, peers, family, teachers, and adults around you, lead with effort. Push harder. Put in the time and build your skill. There is nothing more beautiful and awesome than to watch someone build their musical, artistic, physical, mental, intellectual, or athletic skills. Learn to love the whole process... buy into the training, the sacrifice, the coaching, the progression, the fear and the excitement, and you'll add a powerful element of happiness to your life, and something that will inspire respect from others. This isn't just for others my friend... it's for you.

As it is with all things, and with everything we do, sometimes our outcomes will not match the efforts we are making. Sometimes our respectful and awesome behavior and attitude, will not always lead to great behavior from others. It is what it is... am I right?

This is the reality of the life you are living. When, despite your best and kindest efforts, you find yourself in situations that are abusive, where you are being taken advantage of, or you are being mistreated and disrespected, it's ok to realize that you can take your energy and focus, and point it elsewhere.

If it's not working where you are, and with the people you're trying with, be dynamic and brave, and switch your focus to other people, places and things. So go and be the good in the hood, and invite respect from others, by being a source of respect yourself.

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