Can I overcome the fear of public speaking?

My incredible friends I am absolutely hyped to be here with you, and I can't wait to drop some tips on how to rise above stage fright, or the fear of public speaking. But before we begin, can I just say that you are not alone in this thing that's making you nervous and afraid, in fact the fear of public speaking is ranked as #1 by over 75% of the population... so you're not a freak, or some anomalie, you're just a regular dude or dudette that gets nervous in front of others. The fear of public speaking can become really intense for a much smaller percentage of people, at which point it's called GLOSSOPHOBIA... there's a fun bit of trivia and useless information for you. Just for fun by the way, what do you think are two most common fears after public speaking? Go ahead, give me your best guess. The next one is the fear of Heights, and the following one is, the fear of Bugs, snakes, or other animals. OK, one more totally useless fact... did you know that people are more scared of Zombies than Clowns? I mean... Zombies don't even exist... what in the world...? I'm telling you, our brains, our creativity, and our imagination are just incredible, but can sometimes drive us a little loco!

Ok, let's dig in. First I want to briefly talk about why we get so nervous and scared to speak in front of our classmates, friends, teachers, strangers, etc?" And second, I want to give you some brilliant skills, ideas, and strategies that you can use and practice, that will help you to feel less nervous and more confident in front of other people?"

So... why do you think you get nervous? Here are some of the main reasons:

1. You're worried that people will judge you in a negative way.
2. You're fearful that you'll make a mistake or forget what you're talking about, and look like a fool.
3. You're afraid to be the center of attention or in the front of a room.
4. Maybe you're afraid to be in front of others because of some negative experience or experiences from your past.
5. And finally, people don't want to feel fearful and anxious...it's just not that pleasant, so we naturally try to avoid any situation that creates these feelings in us... but my friend... you know we must do the things we think we cannot do, or the things that are smart, that we don't want to do. You cannot allow fear to drive your actions and your behavior... you have to drive the car... you have to make decisions that will open the doors of your future for you and that will liberate you from fear, and move you toward confidence and mastery.

Ok, can I briefly just address these fears, by sowing a couple of ideas in that lovely cranium of yours that I believe will become the foundation for your progress? Awesome... Here are the three ideas that I hope you will plant inside your mind and heart:

• Change your opinion about judgment. Look, when most people hear the word judgment, or when you use the phrase that someone is "judging" someone else, you usually use that with a negative connotation, or with a negative image in your mind. But Judging is not a negative word. Judging is neutral. I can just as easily make a good, kind, considerate, honorable, and merciful judgment, as I can make a terrible, dishonorable, shortsighted, and condemning judgment... in fact I'll even go one step further and suggest that one of the most important purposes in your life, is to learn how to judge accurately, with understanding, with intelligence, with love, and with some compassion. One more quick thing about judging... my dear friends, one of your brain's main functions is to judge, in fact, to make thousands of judgments about people and the world you live in. Your brain, and your friend's brains, will not stop making judgments. This is normal. You don't need to resist it, or feel afraid of it. Give yourself and give the people around you the freedom to learn how to judge well. Recognize that you and them, will make many ignorant, uninformed, and at times, straight up crappy judgments that will hurt your personal life and the life of others... but always remember that the goal, is to learn to judge your life and your decisions in a way that elevates your future, and that does the same for others. So when you walk into a room, accept the fact that people are making all sorts of judgments, the least of those by the way, are about you... to be honest, we're just not that important to other people. People are busier thinking about their own life. So don't resist it or fear it, instead accept it, and you'll be free of it. There's an old quote that states "what you resist persists," and if that's true, perhaps the opposite is also true, "what you accept, fades away." Try it!
• Your life is not an instagram or facebook post, it's time to grow above and beyond the "pick me, pick me, or watch me, watch me" or the "how many likes, or smiles, or comments, or whatever..." mentality. Man, do you see the craziness in this? We are literally posting pictures of ourselves, opinions, and circumstances in our life, and then asking people to either like or dislike them, or to agree or disagree, or to give a thumbs up or a thumbs down... it's like being in a gladiator in the middle of a roman coliseum, just waiting for Caesar to give you a thumbs up or down. We must be suckers for punishment... I mean, do we really need everyone to like what you do and say? To me that feels unreasonable, and you are not an unreasonable person, so let's focus on taking care of our business, which in your case is to deliver a presentation, to share a thought, an idea, an opinion... it is to complete an assignment, or to deliver a speech... that's your business... take care of your business, and get out of other people's business, and what they think, and how they manage their judgment. So when your brain gets stuck obsessing about what others are thinking, or feeling, just gently remind your brain that "I'm not a mind reader... what they are thinking and feeling, well, that's their business," and that you're here to take care of your business. I mean... does that make good sense to you?
• Which leads me to my next mental shift for you, and that is for you to Focus on being valuable, instead of obsessing about being valued. I understand that other people matter. That we want to be loved, accepted, and liked, but don't letnthat be your focus, because if it is, your life will be an emotional roller coaster constantly going up and down based on how other people feel about you. Don't give away your freedom and emotional stability to someone else. Instead, simply focus that brilliant mind of yours, and give your energy to being valuable to others, and to yourself, and watch your value rise organically.

Okay, now you're ready for some quick tips that not only will help you overcome your fear of public speaking, but also to deliver a pretty good speech, or presentation. Feel free to use as many of these as you like, but know that they do work. Let's go:

1. Prepare: My hard rockin' amigos, this is the way, and there is no substitute. You must put in some work. Being well-prepared means digging into the and learning the topic that you're speaking about. Understanding your material will boost your confidence and help you feel more relaxed.
2. Practice, Practice, Practice: By the way, practice doesn't make perfect, but it does make it better. So whether it's in front of a mirror, or whether you record yourself on your phone, or to a parent, or a friend, or your fish!... saying the things that you're going to be saying, will help you to be ready.
3. Create a simple outline: Remember that you don't have to remember every little thing that you want to say. So, use a piece of paper, or some notes on your phone, or some little cue cards, that can help your brain to organize that information, and help to deliver it. Don't write it all out, or you'll end up reading the entire thing, instead just write the main ideas, and then flow a little bit.
4. Admit or make fun of your nervousness: For some people, just admitting that this is hard, or that they're feeling nervous, or that they would rather jump into a pool full of scissors instead of making a presentation in front of people, can actually help people calm down a little, and sometimes it brings a good comfortable vibe into the room. Remember that at least 75% of the people in that room are just as terrified as you are, and can understand exactly what you're going through.
5. Don't worry about saying everything you want to say: Without fail, we're always going to leave things out, and forget saying some things that we could have said. This is normal mate. Honestly, you probably don't need to say everything you want to say. Keep it short and simple where you can.
6. Use an example or a short experience: You can share a short story, or how your ideas are like a sport, or a video game, or an instrument that you play, or a hobby, or a movie that you watched. People want to feel connected to what you say, so give them a reason. Pick something you're familiar with or that you like, and then relate that to what you're attempting to present. Once again, keep it simple.
7. Start strong: Ask a question, use a famous quote, tell a joke that is relevant to your presentation, or briefly share a fact that you think is cool, and that people may want to know... for example, "did you guys know that in a room of 23 people there's a 50% chance that two people have the same birthday." or "humans, have a group of neurons called mirror neurons. These are responsible for some behaviors being contagious, such as yawning." anyways you get the idea. Start with something that can help break the ice, like a cold, hard, pun... see what I did right there?... yeah that was pretty lame, but it did the job, and that leads me to my next tip...
8. Learn to laugh at yourself: Drop the perfectionism, and embrace a culture of growth, experience, and progress. Remember my friends that life is all about growing line upon line, precept on precept, here a little, there a little, or like this African Proverb "slow by slow, small by small." And as you're making your way through that process, don't take yourself and others so seriously. Allow for mistakes... be gentle with your mistakes, and the mistakes of others by the way, and you'll do yourself and others a huge favor.

Okay, that's good for today. Don't sell yourself short out there, and come up with some story that you're just not good at this, or will never be good at this, and instead buy into the truth, that will a little time, experience, repetition, and effort, that this very thing that at this moment feels terrifying, will one day, be something you enjoy and even look forward to. Trust me, and I'll see you soon.

Next