Alright my friend, I’m telling you, you are doing the right thing. Investing in yourself, investing in your social confidence is just genius. I’ve shared with you before that the biggest predictor of long-term happiness and even long-term success in life is relationships, so this is just one of those areas that you must… absolutely must be investing in always… making relationships and navigating those relationships in the best way possible. So your question this week is “How do i feel more confident around people?”, you all are just awesome… but first of all, what makes us so dang insecure and afraid around people? What the heck, why is it so scary to speak in front of others? To make a presentation? To give a compliment? To ask someone to hang out? To ask someone on a date? To offer to help someone? To go and sit by someone? Why do we always have to turn to our phone the moment we feel even an inkling of insecurity or awkwardness? Well… iuri, those are all phenomenal questions… thank you, thank you,but let’s get to some answers. Let me give you 3 reasons why we are so insecure:
1-We are so dang afraid to feel the sting of rejection. Man, rejection just hurts. Not being chosen, looking foolish, not being accepted, not being liked, making a fool of ourselves… that stuff is what nightmares are made of, that’s why we hold back so much… but… what if we found a way to be less afraid of rejection… is it possible to train ourselves to be less afraid? And if yes, how? Hold your horses people, we will get there, but first, reason number 2
2-Our past has a great hold on our present… dang… that was a good quote, let me say it again for effect, your past has a great hold on your present. What that means is that if in the past you’ve been hurt by rejection, you brain naturally believes that this will happen to you again… similarly to you getting burned in the stove right?… you brain naturally goes to the place of… well, last time I tried to be confident, and social, and outgoing… I just got made fun of, or i was rejected, so this is going to happen again… in psychology this thinking error is called a generalization, meaning that your brain just uses the past, to predict the future… the problem with this thinking error is that it is false… the past does not dictate the present or the future… our choices do.
3-We feel like people are constantly judging us, and not just judging us, but judging us negatively… ok but listen, i’m going to turn this one around on you… because the reality is that our brains are made to make judgments… it’s what they do, it’s what your brain does. Your brain is constantly taking in information (it never ever stops), and then it makes judgments about that info. Our goal in life isnt’ necessarily to not judge, our goal is to actually learn to judge accurately, with compassion, with a greater understanding, which will lead you to view others with patience and kindness. So if you feel like people are judging, don’t resist it, accept it… yes they may be judging, but that’s their business, so get out of their business, and mind your own business and simply try to do things that are awesome, intelligent, valuable and worthwhile for you and those around you. Stop, stop, stop mindreading… get out of other people’s minds, get out of what you think they’re thinking, that’s not where you belong, so from now on, shift your focus to being kind, valuable, and doing intelligent things… period!!
Ok, so lets give you 3 tips to help you become more confident socially.
1-So #1 is Step into the light one step at a time my friend. Fear, insecurity, social anxiety bulllies us to hide, to avoid, to not try out, to not say anything, to not go to this activity, or this dance, or to this club, or to raise your hand, or to ask for help, or not to look up, or smile, or give, or serve… Today is your day of freedom… today is the day you begin to regain some of the ground that fear has taken from you… today is the day you step out of the shadows and begin to migrate toward confidence, courage, and stepping into the driver’s seat in your life… Fear will no longer be the driver in your car my friend, it’s your time. I want to inject this idea into your head. Your day of liberation has come… your fight begins today, and it will never stop, because feelings of rejection are normal… not everyone has to like you or choose you… not everyone will judge you correctly, and you have the emotional muscle and the emotional endurance to experience the hard emotions of life and stay in the ring, instead of bowing out and running away… when you get beat… just go back the other day… never, ever, ever stop. Remember that failure or rejection is not fatal, it’s not terminal, so quit telling yourself and behaving like it is. Every experience refines you my friend, so let’s learn, instead of run.
2-Number #2 is Make a plan: You don’t need to be student body president, or be the most popular where you are, or start your own blog, or become the next superstar (I mean you can… full send am i right?), start small. In the hallways at school, start by lifting your gaze off the ground or off your phone. Place a gentle smile on your face, and greet people wth your eyes and smile. Say hello, open the door for someone, offer to help, pick the class you feel the most confident in, and raise your hand once a week. Say hello to your teacher, speak to your parents, text your family members… choose 3 things that you can begin to do today or this week, and go for it. Write it on your phone, and begin to take those small steps. Do it for a week, for a month, never stop… no more hiding behind your fear. My friend… you must tdo the things you think you cannot do… did you hear me… Eleanor Rosevelt uttered these powerful words… you must do the things you think you cannot do.
3-And Number #3 is a new philosophy that I want you to adopt today. That philosophy is this: Don’t let your negative experiences define you… instead, let them refine you. Dietrich Uchtdorf uttered these wise words, and today I want you to make them yours, and begin to allow this incredible philosophy to marinate into your soul. From this moment forward, this is your social experiment. You will become a student, a scientist… you will approach this situation with a beginners mindset… ready to learn, ready to adapt, and ready to overcome. Every experience will teach you, every experience will become preparation for the next event. You are unstoppable, because your mindset and psychology are unstoppable. So get your clipboard out, your scientist coat out, and try some different things. No more convincing yourself that people just aren’t your jam… that you just can’t handle hard emotion, or awkward moments, or insecurity, or rejection… you were born to overcome… to adapt… to learn, and to move forward. I’m not trying to deny your challenges… but i’m not going to deny your ability to overcome every single one of them, and to find joy, purpose, meaning, and incredible relationships even in the midst of suffering. My friend… listen to this short podcast over and over and over until these ideas sink deeply into your hear and mindset. So remember, 1 step into the light, one step at a time… baby steps! 2-make a plan, start simple, easy, and progressively try more challenging things. And 3 don’t let your negative experiences define you, instead, let them refine you. Become the scientist and let’s get to work. Stay humble… keep that beginners mindset in life my friend, and have a stellar week.
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