Am I depressed? What can I do about it?

My dear friend, I’m just absolutely thrilled to be here… my heart is full whenever I get to speak to one of you… whenever I receive your questions, your concerns, and you get to share your dreams and desires, and disappointments.  I’m here to unequivocally say to you, that life is grand… that it is complete… that it is full to the brim and spilling over.  That it will contain moments of brilliance and goodness, and joy, and moments of great disappointment, suffering, and sadness… this is what life is.  Somehow this incredible interplay of opposites is required, in part to fully experience the joy, we must at times experience the sadness.  No one escapes the sunshine or rain of life.  Recognizing and normalizing these happenings in your life is essential to your ability to deal with this life in the most honorable and meaningful ways.  Meaning is important… more importantly, your ability to give meaning to things is critical… we can become the masters of meaning in our lives… in fact, this is something that you must take control of.  We cannot control the chaos of life.  Other’s people’s actions, accidents, and many of the circumstances that you find yourself in… but beginning now… right here… you can begin to own the meaning of your life.  You can begin this project by adopting and internalizing a simple and beautiful truth that you can carry with you throughout your life… a truth so powerful, that it will alter every event, how you perceive it, and how you feel about it… what is that bit of truth?...  It is this:  Every moment, prepares you for the very next moment. Your life experiences are never wasted… Every moment is valuable, and contains within it, the seeds of wisdom, compassion, love, understanding, and intelligence.  Every experience provides depth to your character, and a deeper understanding into others as well.  Now listen to me… life is real… and as we deal with people, we very quickly become aware that humans are extraordinary, and are capable of the most incredible and awesome things… but we also become aware of the great potential for selfishness, and harm that we can sometimes do to each other.  We become aware that there are things that can harm us deeply, even traumatize us, but we also realize that we are intrinsically made to overcome trauma, and that our capacity to synthesize our experiences, and transform them for our good, wisdom and benefit is real.  So… why am I telling you this?  Well because you may be going through something incredibly difficult right now… you may be dealing with grief, or feelings of anxiety, or perhaps you’re feeling overwhelmed, hopeless and sad.  Maybe you’re going through some family and relationship problems, among many other things, and I want to give you a greater and encompassing perspective that can help you to gain hope and confidence as you deal with the challenges in your life.  

So, your question is just beautiful… your ability to express it is courageous in and of itself, you asked :“I just feel miserable. I cry a lot (sometimes over nothing), and I don't want to do anything or see anyone.  Am I depressed?”  I’m telling you this because sometimes people don’t share these thoughts at all.  They feel embarrassed and ashamed that they are thinking and feeling in depressed ways.  Now I can’t tell you over this video whether you are depressed or not, but I can tell you what depression usually looks like, I can also explain to you what works when we’re feeling depressed, and I can give you some tools that will absolutely work… they’re hard… but they will work.  

So first, what does depression look like?  Depression is a disorder that impacts our mood.  Teens who may be going through something like this often express feeling sad for an extended period of time.  They also report losing interest in things they used to like to do..  Some teens tell me that they feel a bit numb, and unfeeling (something that in psychology we call anhedonia - and you can add that to your dictionary). In teens, symptoms may include sadness, irritability, feeling negative and worthless, angry, feeling misunderstood and extremely sensitive.  Many times teens (and adults too by the way) will isolate themselves from family, or friends.  Sometimes teens do this because they don’t want to burden people with their hard emotions or with their problems.  Teens will oversleep, or dive deep into their phone and disconnect from the world.  Feeling depressed is tough, because it zaps your energy and motivation, and at times gives you a very critical and negative mindset… So even though you’re not feeling great, you don’t feel a lot of motivation to get out of it.  But listen, and listen close, the good news is that there are things that help with our feelings of sadness.  Even just you being here watching this video is helpful to you, because once you begin to recognize things more clearly, your power and ability to rise above those things is increased.  I’m telling you this, so that you can recognize that even though you may be experiencing depressive thoughts and feelings, you are not those thoughts and feelings, and those thoughts and feelings aren’t necessarily communicating something true… for example, you may be thinking “It doesn’t matter what I do, it’s never going to get better… or perhaps you’re thinking that life sucks, or that you’re just the worst,” but those thoughts are completely untrue!  You are relevant, powerful, your actions will absolutely matter, life certainly does not suck… at least not completely!... and you’re certainly not the worst, in fact you’re a walking miracle, in the midst of growth and evolution… and that my friends, is the undisputed and uncompromising truth.  In these situations, sometimes it’s helpful to talk to your brain, instead of listening to it… know what I’m saying?

Look, it’s a hard thing, but the more you understand it, the more patient, compassionate and gentle you can be with yourself during these times… the more successful you will be in your efforts to do, and think, and feel better.  Let me show you how this works…  

I want you to imagine a circle.  On one side of the circle imagine a box with “Thinking and Feeling Depressively”, Now, when we begin to think and feel depressed, we begin to DO depressed… what does it look like to DO depression?  Well, it looks like this… we sleep a lot; we isolate, we avoid going out and being around family and friends; we stay stuck in our thoughts; we become less active; we hide in our rooms; we procrastinate; we overeat or undereat; we feel embarrassed and ashamed of how we feel; we are irritable and low on patience; critical of ourselves and others; we binge on insta, Snap, FB, Youtube, Netflix, or other things that distract us, but have no real value, we may begin to think suicidal thoughts, or just wanting life to end… you get the idea… now… so when you think and feel depressed, and then you do depression (all the things I just told you)... we come full circle right?  And we end up feeling more and more depressed.  That is why depression and anxiety can be so challenging, it’s because they are cyclical… meaning that they feed into themselves, or they are self-perpetuating.  So to deal with depression, we must find a way to recognize that cycle, and then do whatever we can to exit that cycle, which more often than not, involves asking for help.  Remember that when people are feeling depressed, their perspective is narrow… I sometimes describe it as having one of those big orange cones that you see on the road, like when the road is under construction, planted on your face, with the big end by your face, and the narrow end away from your face, so that your perspective is narrow.  That’s how it is, and I’m sure for you it’s very frustrating and demoralizing.  

So when you begin to see yourself in that cycle… having those depressive thoughts and feelings, and then beginning to do the things that I explained to you… you can point at it, and call it what it is… “hey, that’s that depressive cycle that iuri was talking about”... I’m telling you, it sounds funny, but it’s very helpful and powerful to recognize something, and call it what it is!  So the next step is to ask yourself the question… “what can I do right now that would be helpful?”  “What can I do right now that would be fun?  What can I do right now that would help me to kick start and move my body and mind?”  and let your brain chase those thoughts for a while… well, I can go help my mom or dad… I can go hang out in my siblings room…. I can go for a bike ride… I can text a friend or hang out with a friend… I can spend 5 minutes cleaning my room… I can take a shower.... I can spend 30 mins on homework… I can go where people are… I can exercise…  It’s really important for you to go and do something that is useful… don’t be perfectionistic here, by the way, do small things, but things that are progressive, things that move your body… stop trying to fight and tug of warring with your brain and instead lift up your rear end, and MOVE.  Listen, the quickest way for you to change the way you feel, is to move!  The quickest way for you to immediately feel better is to help someone.  Instead of turning into and obsessing about your thoughts and feelings, is instead to turn outwardly, toward others, and become valuable to the people and circumstances around you… Do it!  trust that process… remember this phrase because it’s key for you… trust the process that as you sprinkle your life with simple but meaningful things, you will begin to feel that life is meaningful… trust the process that as you sprinkle your life with fun, that you begin to see and feel that life is fun.  

Anyways, I hope that this was helpful for you.  Remember my dear friend… reject the idea that you are weak, or that you should feel ashamed of feeling this way… express it, talk about it, ask for a bit of help… we have to become awesome at this life thing, and this is how we do it.  The ultimate discipline of life isn’t math, or science, or writing… it’s peace of mind, it’s joy, it’s having an amazing psychology, fixing our perspectives, developing compassion, confidence, and understanding… Those are the disciplines that are the foundation for everything else.  Now my friend… get out there and carpe the flippin’ diem

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