How do I improve my friendships and relationships?

Hello there you outstanding and incredible human, I hope this finds you in a stellar mood, with a soft and willing heart.

Man, I just find that humility is such a beautiful state of mind... when our mind and heart are willing, open, and teachable... there is a whole universe of experience, goodness, hope, and optimism out there... so many incredible people around you who care, who are willing to give of themselves to make your day better.

I know that I don't know you, and you don't know me, but I can't help feeling totally invested and committed to inspire you to live a life full of meaning, full of adventure, full of success, full of valuable lessons that can help you to become a person that is full of intelligence, compassion and understanding for others.

I hope that your life can be filled to the brim with relationships that bring you courage, joy, laughter, and that inspire you to be a better person.  I realize that MS and HS can be turbulent, intimidating, and for many of you, fearful places where you are mistreated, or made fun of... but listen very closely... this current experience does not mean all future experiences.

Sometimes your brain can get caught up in this type of thinking, but it doesn't mean it's true, in fact, it isn't true, and today I'm here to teach you some basic tools that you can utilize right now, starting this minute, that can improve your friendships and relationships.

I have one more quick thing to say... I know that relatiohships at home can also be challenging.  I know that some of you have a wonderful support system at home, and that some of you may not... my heart goes out to you, and in a way, we launched SchoolPulse as a way to provide support in a huge way to all, and to you who may not feel like you have support right now.  

Now I want to very quickly tell you about the latest research... just about every long-term study of people, happiness, joy, and finding meaning in life have shown the same outcome.  The best predictor of short and long-term happiness is the quality of your relationships.  I'm telling you this because I want you to set your sights, I want you to set your objectives, and focus some of your energy in building, nurturing, and seeking out these relationships... listen to me... I understand that some of you have been rejected, hurt, betrayed, lied to, used, or worse... but listen, this is one of those things that you just have to keep going back to... this isn't one of those things that we can say ‘man iuri i've tried, and i've gotten burned," or "I'm just not a social person", or "I'm shy" or "people take too much energy" or "it's too risky"... my friends, I know it's risky... i know it takes effort... i know that for some of you, you may have to stretch yourselves a bit more than others... your way can be different, your style may be different than mine, but I want you to make a commitment in your mind to place yourself in places where people are, to seek out friendships, and to work to maintain them... please do that... I'll join you, and work on those things as well.  Ok, let's get to a couple of tools that I believe will help you to focus your efforts... three quotes that I believe will help you to feel empowered and more in control of your destiny, and most of all, these tools will help you to become a relationship master, instead of a relationship disaster.

1. "If you want it, give it" - This is a basic relationship rule.  We often think of relationships or friendships as places where we go to receive, to feel accepted, to feel loved, to feel understood, to be liked and respected... but i'm going to flip the script on you.  Relationships are places where you go to give... sink that in your mind... go to give, and here's a secret, you'll get more back.  So...If you want respect, give it; happiness, give it; kindness, give it; acceptance; give it; understanding, give it, if you want fun, bring it.  I think you get the idea.  Don't go to relationships to be a taker, eventough we do have to accept receiving from others as well, but go to be a giver... I'm challenging you to be known as a giver, and you will indeed become a person of trust, someone who is highly liked and respected. Btw, just as a little side note, the very best research has also shown that being a deliberate giver in life, is another one of those keys to being happy

2. "Stop seeking and obsessing about being valued by others and liked by others, and instead start being valuable to others." 

Do you guys remember that book by Dr. Seuss called the "oh the places you'll go"... if you haven't read that in a while, i would highly recommend it, but in the middle of the book, the main person in the book is traveling at a: 

break necking pace toward a most useless place of all---The Waiting Place...
For people just waiting.
Waiting for a train to go or a bus to come, or a plane to go, or the mail to come, or the rain to go or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow 
or waiting around for a Yes or a No or waiting for their hair to grow.
Everyone is just waiting...
Waiting for the fish to bite or waiting for wind to fly a kite or waiting around for
Friday night or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake or a pot to boil, or a Better Break or a string of pearls, or a pair of pants or a wig with curls, or Another Chance.
Everyone is just waiting.

My friend... I have to break you out of this place... the waiting place is not for you, and i'll tell you why.

Because it's out of your hands, and I want to help you to feel like you have more control of your present and future, instead of less control.

So when your brain gets stuck in the place of "no one likes me, no one values me, no one will choose me" and of course other people's opinions about me are not in my control, I want you to reach for the very best of you, for whatever energy you have, whatever focus you can muster, and I want you to turn that mind and body of yours to being valuable wherever you are... which by the way, you can control.

Remember that other people's opinion of you, is other people's business, and I want you to take care of your business, and find a way to be valuable to yourself, to others, and to whatever circumstance you find yourself in.  just ask yourself this simple question "how can I be valuable or fun, or helpful right now?" and watch your brain flood with simple ways that you can regain some control over your life and improve your friendships and relationships around you.

Here's the cool part... when you are valuable to others, you will get the very thing that you wanted in the first place... to be valued.

3. "While you're waiting for the right person or the right people to become a part of your life, I want you to get busy becoming the right person!"

Look at the main areas of your life: Physically, Spiritually, Mentally, Hobbies, Interest, Skills, your education, and my friend start investing and building.

Let me tell you something that you already know is absolutely true.  You were not born, and you are not here to be entertained.

Sure, entertainment can be an important part of your life, and I hope that you nurture awesome ways that will bring you excitement and joy, but my friend, if you truly want to invest in your happiness, if you want a rich life, then you must do these 3 things:

You must grow, you must create, and you must contribute.... PERIOD!

Sure you can binge netflix, and you can scroll the endless roll of insta, or FB, or Snap, or Tik Tok, but you gotta know, that unless you watch, those things will turn out to be vampires in your life, and literally suck the creativity, and the necessity for you to go and be a part of this world... my hope is for you to rise up, and stop being a spectator in life, and instead to get on the field, to play the game, to seize the moment and the day, and to be a source of inspiration and motivation to those around you.

My friend, I am a believer in you!  You may sell yourself short, and you may feel like you don't have a whole lot to offer, but honestly... I know better!  I do... I know better... and I promise i'm not trying to be arrogant, but I know that your potential is unlimited, and that inside of is greatness and goodness that can transform where you are right now, and in some remarkable way, the world.  I know it's big, but sometimes we gotta think bigger.  So go and build your friendships and your relationships.

Remember "If you want it, give it", "Stop obsessing about being valued, and instead start being valuable... right now', and lastly, "get busy becoming the right person" and build your skills, your talents, your education, your professional experience, if you don't have these interests, time to experiment and find some.  Now get out there and do justly, love mercy, and take care of your business.

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