How do I make a friend?

Hey there friend, man alive am I glad that you are taking a moment out of your day to read or listen to this short podcast. Brothers and Sisters, I am cheering for you. I’m hoping that you will live a full life, with wonderful adventures, great memories, and close friends. I hope you experience success, and have the courage to plow through the struggles and discouragement that life will inevitably drop on your doorstep, in an honorable, and intelligent way. So today some of you brilliant people asked about how to make friends... and I couldn’t be more proud of you for being gutsy enough to ask the question, so here comes my best attempt and a quick study learning the best skills and strategies to help you to be courageous and successful in this objective to make and keep friends. But before I tell you how to make friends, and I give you some fun tips that I think will be super useful for you, I need to get you ready... I need to get your mind, and your heart ready in preparation for this never-ending task... what I’m referring to is the great task to make friendships, and meaningful connections your whole life. Today isn’t about romantic relationships, it is about friendships of all sizes and colors, but with a particular interest in helping you to build some relationships that can stand the test of time, and that can become an important part of your life. Engaging in this process is risky... I sometimes joke that making friendships is a blood sport... it’s risky, it’s vulnerable, and when we open ourselves, there is always risk for rejection, for people who may not choose you, or choose to accept the gift you are offering, or who will reciprocate and be a friend back to you... and so that is the focus of today... i’m looking for great friendships, and i want to give you the tools to make that happen. But like I said, I want to begin with the basics, and I need to help you build a foundation... a harbor from where you can launch your boat into the unpredictable waters of your social world. Now I need you to listen very closely. What I’m about to tell you is not an opinion. This is not meant for discussion. I want to declare some truth to you... about you, and this truth, with a capital “T”, will become the place you can come back to, if you ever become discouraged, or if you ever feel rejected, or go through a betrayal... this is what you will come back to, and bandage up your wounds, and fix your heart and mind, in preparation to lifting up your anchor again, raising up your sails, and going again, and again, and again... with the wind at your back and a future full of hope and optimism.

1. You are a likable person! Now listen, like i said, this is not up for discussion... this is not an opinion, this is the truth. It doesn’t mean that all people will prefer you or choose you, but so many will like, love, adore, and even desire to be just like you.
2. You are worthy of friendship! I don’t care what you’ve done, or what you’ve said, or your history. Friendship is in your future. Regardless of who you are right now... in spite of the many ridiculous and immature things that you will do, friendship is natural... we are made to connect... you are made to connect, so if you’ve got some idea bouncing around inside your head that contradicts this idea, and that says that you are not worthy of friendship, or that no one will pick you... chuck it in the trash, because it is not useful. In addition, remember this... everyone is looking for the exact same thing that you are... we are all looking for friends, and especially for good friends. So this isn’t something weird that you’re doing, thinking that everyone else is already spoken for, or already has their friend group all figured out... everyone that you meet, or at least 99% of them, are looking for friendship and fun, so don’t go filling your head with lies, thinking to yourself that “everybody’s already set... they already have their friend group in place, and I’m the odd one out,” I know what this thinking is like, because I’ve already practiced it, and told myself those very things... but they were unhelpful and untrue then, and they are untrue now... no more excuses... no more bowing down to ideas that aren’t helpful! Know what I’m sayin’?
3. Friendship is a skill! This isn’t something that you either have or don’t have... or some way that you are or aren’t. You can learn, and in fact you will learn, to be a better friend. You will learn through your experiences, your successes and disappointments, what builds friendships, and what ultimately harms them. Take your fixed mindset about “I’m just not a good friend” or “I’m just not very social,” or “I’m just too shy,” and boot it out of your head. It’s time for you to clean house up there, and open yourself up to the simple truth that you can learn... that this is a skill, and that as a result, you can improve it, and sharpen it.
4. You’re Never going to stop! Look, you know i’m going to be real with you. Disappointment and rejection are in your future, but so is success, fun, adventure, acceptance, and friendship. I need you to make a commitment here and now, that you will never stop. You will never stop instigating and looking for opportunities to create a connection and friendships throughout your life regardless of the outcome. So when you’re met with disappointment, you’ll simply say to yourself... “this is part of the process, sometimes i’ll be successful, sometimes I wont, sometimes people will want to be a part of my life, and sometimes they won’t... either way, I’ll never stop because a big chunk of my happiness and fulfillment in life depends upon me continuing on, and trying again.” In addition, I want you to understand that being alone is also necessary. Ultimately we need to create solid relationship with ourselves, and time alone can help you to develop some new hobbies, interests, skills, and it is also an awesome time for some self-discovery, so don’t throw away that time either.
5. Do everything you can, within your power to attack this life-long process with confidence and optimism, because this confidence and optimism act like a self-fulfilling prophecy... let me show you how that works. When you approach something confidently, in an open manner, with hope and optimism... you’re more relaxed, more courageous, more open and outgoing, more friendly... and guess what?... this helps you to make friendships! Just like if you approach making friends with a constant mindset that people will reject you, that no one likes you, constantly doubting that you will be successful, full of fear and somewhat closed to the experience... well guess what? This will make it less likely that you will make connections with others... this is what I mean about a self-fulfilling prophecy. So when you’re ready to try, and make an effort... get hyped my friend, fill yourself with some hope, optimism, confidence.... Knowing that this is a process, and that when you are met with a no or a snub... that that just means that you need to move on to the next... remember, no means next... got it?

Ok, let's talk about some small and simple tips that can make this process happen for you and that can lay the groundwork to help you make some friends.

1. Pay attention to people’s names and learn them. People say that the sound of our names spoken by others, is the sweetest sound in the universe. Start there, learn some names, commit them to your memory, and then...
2. Greet that person and say their name with happiness and enthusiasm when you see them in class, in the hallway, at a sporting event, at lunch, on the bus... etc. Greet them with a smile, with a bro hug, with a fist bump, with a high five, with a nod of the head right?
3. Throw a little compliment their way. “Dude you are the man... or, I’m liking those shoes... or, wow, you are super smart... or, you’re so nice, or cool, or chill, or bussin, or relaxed, or full of hype” find something simple, and compliment them. Remember, you’re not fishing for compliments yourself and you’re not looking for something to come back your way, you’re establishing a foundation of friendliness and positivity with you.
4. Find out a little about them, and see if you can find some things that match and that both of you like, whether it be video games, music taste, classes, activities, life circumstances, friends, styles, etc, and make a connection. “Oh I love rocket league too... or Taylor swift is the absolute queen... or I dig football, or dance, movies, or theater, or guitar, or climbing, or whatever you can think of.” We don’t always have to like what other people like, but sometimes that’s an easy way to connect with others, is to find some things in common with them.
5. Next you are ready to take a chance and make an invite, or attempt to hang out. “Dude we should play online sometime... We should go see the play at the school... or we should go to the game, or get lunch, or do whatever.” This is the moment of truth, where you send it, and give it a go... and sometimes your attempt is going to fly, and sometimes it’s going to fall flat, or you’ll be rejected, or snubbed... but sometimes it will work, and that’s why you’re doing it... you’re trying to get to the “yes”, or the “sure”, or the “I know, we should,” and then you’re in business. Remember that “no” just means next, or go again. I know this process can seem scary and it is, but it’s necessary, and you’re not afraid of a challenge, and for heaven’s sake, you need to be willing to step outside of your comfort zone, and step into the unknown... step into some uncertainty, cause that’s where the magic is, and that’s where the bucket of gold is, and listen, there is no other way, so send it!
6. Be the instigator. This piece of advice isn’t just about friendship and social situations, this is a life pro tip... Be the instigator. Don’t wait for things to come to you, to happen to you, for people to change, for them to become better, or friendlier... you be the change... you be the instigator. The world isn’t coming to you, you have to go and get it. You have to go and make it happen. If you want friendship, and I know that you do, you have to go and get it, and make it happen.
7. Don’t put all of your eggs in one basket. While you are attempting to expand your social circle, and find some meaningful friendships, open your heart to lots of people, and use these simple skills with everyone, and keep your options open. Don’t just try this with Billy, or Susan, or Johny, or Betsy Sue... try this with everyone and increase your chances of making lots of acquaintances, and potentially making several friends.
8. Now I’ve told you that “no means next”, but when you get that no, or that snub, or someone who just isn’t interested, resist the urge to demonize that person, and stop yourself from burning bridges. Decide to be a fan of humanity, despite all of our craziness, rudeness, and sometimes massive insensitivity. This life is filled with all kinds, and so instead of burning bridges and speaking ill of those people, be a fan of people, and realize that people can choose their friends, and that that experience is sometimes painful, but it’s normal, and you can certainly handle it.
9. When people reach out to you, be a little more open, a little more willing, and say “YES” instead of coming up with excuses to not go. Trust me, and trust the wisest part of you. Stop making excuses to isolate yourself from others and the world around you.
10. Go where the people are! Whether that’s school, sporting events, plays, concerts, community events, clubs, religious or spiritual communities, the gym, or any other place, begin to place yourself there frequently, and take these simple steps that I just showed you.

Listen, I have walked this road you are on. I know we are different... we are all different, and some of these may not work for you, and that’s fine, maybe you have some better ideas and some better skills... fantastic! Go and use them, and build for yourself a network of people and friends that will provide you with some awesome positive peer pressure, with fun, laughter, humor, acceptance, and some friendship... well, what are you waiting for? Let’s make some friends. See you later!

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