How can I be the right person?

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When Valentine’s Day is approaching, it’s easy for the focus to land entirely on romantic relationships. The questions start swirling: How do you know if someone likes you? How do you get someone to notice you? How do you find the right person?

But there’s a much better question to ask, one that actually puts you in the driver’s seat. Instead of wondering how to find the right person, consider how to be the right person. That shift is the most reliable path to building healthy connections. The best part? This is an area where you have total control. The energy spent worrying about others' opinions is better spent building a life and character that people are drawn to. So, how do you become that person? It boils down to three commitments.

1) Leave people better than you found them

Every interaction is a choice. When you meet someone, you have three basic options.

Option A is to leave them worse off. This means insulting, demeaning, bullying, or simply being rude. The damage is clear. Option B is to ignore them. Let them pass by without engagement, neither adding to nor subtracting from their day. This might seem neutral, but it often diminishes the possibility of connection. Option C should be your goal: leave them better than they were.

This is a powerful way to move through the world. The purpose isn’t just about being "nice." It’s about actively contributing to the people around you. This builds your character and, not so coincidentally, makes you a far more attractive person. How someone treats others is a huge indicator of how they’ll be in a relationship.

How do you leave someone better off? It’s in the daily details. Build people up. Offer a genuine compliment. Treat everyone with basic respect and kindness. Share a bit of yourself. Welcome people into your circle. Stop negative gossip and make a point to only speak positively about others when they’re not around.

Drop the fear that holds you back from being openly good to people. Make the commitment that when people cross your path, they leave feeling a little lighter because of your smile, your encouragement, or your loyalty. Want to have a better day? Start by creating a better day for someone else.

2) Invest in yourself and your life

Nothing is more compelling than someone who is fully engaged in building their own life. This isn’t about vanity. It’s about showing up for yourself. Sure, physical fitness is part of it if that’s a goal, but a six-pack fades. Real, lasting attractiveness comes from internal development. It comes from someone’s character, their psychology, and their fundamental goodness.

Stop any habit of self-sabotage. Instead, start investing deeply. That means your education, your intellect, your physical health, your spiritual well-being, your talents, and your social skills. Invest in your future by the choices you make today. What you put into your mind, your body, and your spirit matters. Your brain records everything. Pay attention to what you feed it. This investment isn’t selfish. It’s the foundation of a person who has something to offer, who is interesting, resilient, and grounded. People are drawn to that.

3) Seek the positive

Make a commitment right now to actively look for the good. Seek it in yourself, in others, and in your circumstances. This matters because a simple truth governs life: what you consistently look for, you will consistently find. This doesn’t mean ignoring reality. Of course there are challenges. People can be cruel. There is pain and betrayal. The commitment isn’t to blindness, but to a specific philosophy.

Throughout history, Stoic philosophers taught a powerful concept: they took life’s obstacles and turned them into fuel for growth and wisdom. They viewed every obstacle as the way forward. Every challenge was a chance to gather perspective, compassion, and understanding. They weren’t gods. They were people who made a choice. Adopt that simple, powerful ideal: I will grow through whatever I go through.

Shift the focus away from the paranoia of whether others will like you. Stop handing that power over. Instead, give all your attention to being valuable and being the right person. Be the one who leaves others better. Be the one who invests in themselves. Be the one who seeks the positive, because what you seek, you will find. That’s the person who builds meaningful connections. That’s the person worth finding. Start building that person today.

This year, redefine what the day is about. Let it be a reminder to check in on your own progress. Are you leaving a positive wake? Are you actively investing in your own growth? Are you training yourself to see the good? The answers to those questions matter far more than any card or conversation. Start there, and watch how the rest begins to fall into place.

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