My hard rockin’ amigo, I’m so glad you’re looking for some tools to deal with your negative thoughts, I promise, I’m going to deliver in a big way, so perk up your ears, and open your mind and your heart to some goodness.
Can I start with a short story… ?
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There once was a young warrior, probably much like you, who was struggling with constant doubt and negative thoughts. This warrior was overwhelmed by doubt and insecurity, constantly hearing a voice that told them they weren’t good enough, smart enough, strong enough, cool enough, attractive enough… you get the idea. It robbed him of his joy. It froze him with fear, and filled him with insecurity and self-doubt. Looking for answers, this young warrior went to see the old prophet who was very wise, and who lived In the mountains across from the village.
The old prophet said, “Inside each of us, there are two wolves, constantly battling for control. One wolf is full of fear, self-doubt, jealousy, and negativity. It’s the voice that tells you that you’re not enough, that you’ll never succeed, and that others are better than you.”
“But,” the old prophet continued, “there is another wolf. This one is full of hope, courage, kindness, and confidence. It’s the voice that reminds you that you can train your brain and body to do anything you focus on and give energy to. It’s the voice that tells you that success is within your reach, that you are powerful, and that you have the strength to learn and work through any challenge”
The young warrior was curious, and asked, “But which wolf wins the fight?”
The old prophet smiled and said, “The one you feed.”
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So take that in for a moment… How exactly are we feeding the negative wolf? And more importantly, how can you start feeding the positive wolf?
Now I know that most of you are not trying to think negatively. Most people I meet feel as though they are being attacked or ambushed by critical and pessimistic thoughts. Like an annoying backseat driver that’s constantly pointing out your flaws, or critiquing your driving, or finding fault with how you shift gears, or change lanes, or break too fast, or too slow. For some people, this inner critic that’s renting space inside their brain is very loud, persuasive, and persistent. So… how do we overcome that annoying backseat driver, or that inner critic that’s overstayed their welcome? Brilliant question! Let me show you, but before I give you the tools to feed the positive wolf, and starve the negative wolf, we need a base… an understanding… a place to start from. Here’s what you need to know:
You’re not weird for having negative thoughts.
There’s research out there that suggests that we think 12,000m and 60,000 thoughts per day. Of those thoughts, it is estimated that about 80% of them are negative! “Say What?? That’s about 48,000 negative thoughts a day… “iuri that is the worst news of the day… quit trying to ruin my life, I thought you were supposed to be helping me” ok listen, I promise I will, just stick around.
You are not your thoughts, and your thoughts don’t necessarily represent reality.
This is an important and key concept. Just because you think something, doesn’t make it so. So… when your lovely brain conjures up thoughts that are unhelpful, critical, degrading, and full of fear, you don’t have to worship or bow down to these thoughts, you don’t even have to fight against these thoughts, instead, you’re going to use a four-step formula that will help you shift your brain gears away from these thoughts, and more importantly move you toward those things that are awesome, inspiring, and positive.
You are not powerless against your negative thoughts.
Look, I’m not here to tell you all the reasons why you may have negative thoughts. Whether it’s your history, or your experience, your circumstances, or your biology… There are lots of factors, and these matter, but the most important thing you need to know today is that you can do something to train that lovely brain of yours to become more optimistic, more positive, and more confident.
Alright, so what exactly can you do when you are having negative thoughts? I find that people feel stuck in their negative thinking. Like a negative feedback loop. The more negatively you think, the worse you feel, and the worse you feel, the more negatively you think, and on, and on, and on. So how do we get unstuck, and instead shift gears toward a more positive loop? Here are the steps:
Call it what it is: There’s a famous little quote that says, “if you can name it, you can tame it.” In other words, when you can identify what’s happening inside of you, it gives you power to overcome it, and it also reduces the intensity of the negative thoughts. So by even just saying “Oh, there’s my brain thinking negative thoughts again,” or “my inner critic is going wild today”, or “my bad wolf is howling again,” you can begin to expect a little more confidence and control over those thoughts. Honestly, i’m sure you can come up with something much cooler and funnier to say. Use humor if you can, btw, humor is an important part of dealing with negative thinking.
Shift gears: When your brain gets in that negative loop, you have to manually shift out of that loop, and into a better one! The most effective way to manually shift out of your negative thoughts, is for you to PHYSICALLY DO SOMETHING ELSE. Instead of sitting there arguing and tug-of-warring with your brain, just “Call it what it is”, and “Shift Gears.” You don’t need to try and convince your brain that you really are smart, or that people like you, or that you’re not a loser, or that life’s going to get better… stop trying to convince your brain… instead, just shift gears and do something fun, helpful, interesting, kind, awesome, gutsy, engaging, productive, etc. Trust me, this can be challenging, but I promise that your brain will learn to focus on better and more productive things.
Take the sting out of negative thoughts: Remember this… if your thoughts aren’t helpful. If they’re not inspiring you to go out and seize the day. If they’re putting you down and creating fear, doubt, and constantly comparing you in a negative way to others. If they’re paralyzing you with fear. If they are constantly telling you that other people think you’re terrible, or weird, or ugly, or an idiot, or dumb… Amigo… I want you to devalue these thoughts. Don’t argue with them. Don’t try to convince them that they’re wrong, just simply tell yourself “if these thoughts aren’t helping me, then they’re not important… they’re not valuable” and as a result you can confidently stop paying attention to them, and instead you can flick them away like the dandruff on your shoulders… just kidding about the dandruff! Either way, go back to step 2, and shift baby!
Fix your input: We’re back to the wolves in your head. This is how you begin to feed the positive wolf. Find people, places, and things that are inspiring to you, and eat them for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. You’ve heard the expression “You Are What You Eat” well, that’s what I’m talking about. What you need is a steady diet of awesomeness in your life. Where can you find such a diet…? hum… hello, right here. Check out all of our awesome resources, and surround yourself with power, optimism, and confidence.
Now look, as it is with most things, there is a process. Your brain will learn better and more optimistic thinking patterns, but you have to stay with it… you got to put in the work… so memorize those 4 steps, “Call it what it is,” “Shift gears baby,” “Take the sting out of negative thoughts,” and “Fix your input,” and you’ll be on your way. Be cool to yourself, and may the odds be ever in your favor. Ciao